MobuttMonkey's Blogs

I am working on another story for those who have expressed appreciation for my others. In the meantime I would like to speak from my heart for a moment. I realize that for some of the more immature members this will be meaningless but if one person takes anything away from this message I am happy.

We all enjoy beauty. I mean lets face it we like beautiful sunsets, beautiful photographs and yes beautiful bodies. I come here to see the beauty of men. How ever just because we appreciate beautiful men does not give us the right to talk down to men that do not seem beautiful in our eyes. Wordes are wepons and can hurt more then any bullet or knife. Because bullets and knives hurt our bodies, words hurt our souls.

I speak from experience, a few years ago I had been in an accident, my spine had been injured as well as my brain. Took me a lot of time to learn to walk read write etc. again. During that time I gained a lot of weight. I went from a husky 36 inch waist to a 58 inch waist. Inside I was still the same person. Other guys went from inviting me over to not talking to me or even being downright evil. "Oh just lose some weight" they said, its almost impossible to lose that much weight without being able to exercise. Diet then they say, I cut my calorie intake to 800 calories a day. Ironically the guys who gave the most advice were the ones who had never had to diet in their lives. The genetically blessed. Those who cannot gain weight, I joke I can gain weight off of a scratch and sniff picture. If you have never been in my position do not begin to think you can tell me how to fix it.

I became so depressed I gathered up every medicine bottle in the house and poured all of the pills into a glass and swallowed them all. I woke up on a table with a tube in my throat and one in my penis, a doctor looking down at me asking if I wanted to live or not. Somehow he must have seen something that told him yes. I did not. Weeks later after talking to shrinks and others I cam back home. To be honest at that point I was determined to go again only thin time pick a way that there was no chance of coming back from. I wanted to hang myself but my legs wouldn't allow me to climb a ladder, i didn't own a gun cutting my wrists was too gross. I just wouldn't be able to do it.

Then I found a friend online. He and I began talking almost every day. Sometimes two or three hours at a time. He had been where I was and could understand the hopelessness and depression I was feeling. After a very long winter Spring came. He helped me realise that I was not my body. I was me. Inside me body was a human being and I had value, something to offer. Those who could not see that were simply not worth my time. He died a year later, I mourned his loss deeply even though we had never met. He had an inoperable tumor and it finally took him. 

I will be forever grateful for the love and support we shared. Also I will be grateful for the adjustment to my thinking he provided. No longer will I allow someone to be hurt my soul with their callous and unfeeling words. People who feel superior to others generally do it because they are insecure and need to make themselves feel better. I forgive them.

Those of you out there who have been victims of this kind of abuse please feel free to message me. I will always lend a shoulder to cry on or a time to listen. To those out there who think they need to brag about their abs or put down a guy who had back hair or a belly, remember time is the greatest equalizer. Some day you will have a belly or be bald or lose your teeth. I want you who are mature enough to stop and think of how you will want to be treated when you are no longer one of the beautiful people.

Kindness is not sexual, its not gay bi straight or anything, Kindness is universal. Its simple to say I am not attracted to this person and still be kind about it. By doing so you will find a new quality that you will be gaining, RESPECT. 

MBM