Yesterday, I was at my local TSC store picking up a large bag of dog food for my loyal livestock guardian. While waiting in the checkout line, a woman behind me glanced at the bag and asked, “Do you have a dog?”
What did she think I had—an elephant? But since I’m retired and have plenty of time on my hands, I decided to have a little fun.
“No,” I said with a straight face, “I don’t have a dog. I’m starting the Dog Diet again.”
Her eyebrows shot up, so I continued. “I probably shouldn’t, though. Last time, it worked wonders—I lost 10 pounds—but I ended up in the hospital. I woke up in intensive care with tubes everywhere and IVs in both arms.”
By now, the people in line were starting to pay attention. “The diet is simple,” I explained. “You just keep some dog kibble in your pockets and eat a piece every time you feel hungry. It’s nutritionally balanced, so it’s perfect for weight loss. I figured I’d give it another shot.”
The woman looked horrified. “Did the dog food poison you?” she asked.
“Oh no,” I replied, shaking my head. “I stepped off the curb to sniff an Irish Setter’s ass, and a car hit me.”
The guy behind her nearly fell over laughing, and I’m pretty sure the cashier couldn’t breathe. Suffice it to say, I think I might be banned from Tractor Supply now ????...
Yesterday, I was at my local TSC store picking up a large bag of dog food for my loyal livestock guardian. While waiting in the checkout line, a woman behind me glanced at the bag and asked, “Do you have a dog?”
What did she think I had—an elephant? But since I’m retired and have plenty of time on my hands, I decided to have a little fun.
“No,” I said with a straight face, “I don’t have a dog. I’m starting the Dog Diet again.”
Her eyebrows shot up, so I continued. “I probably shouldn’t, though. Last time, it worked wonders—I lost 10 pounds—but I ended up in the hospital. I woke up in intensive care with tubes everywhere and IVs in both arms.”
By now, the people in line were starting to pay attention. “The diet is simple,” I explained. “You just keep some dog kibble in your pockets and eat a piece every time you feel hungry. It’s nutritionally balanced, so it’s perfect for weight loss. I figured I’d give it another shot.”
The woman looked horrified. “Did the dog food poison you?” she asked.
“Oh no,” I replied, shaking my head. “I stepped off the curb to sniff an Irish Setter’s ass, and a car hit me.”
The guy behind her nearly fell over laughing, and I’m pretty sure the cashier couldn’t breathe. Suffice it to say, I think I might be banned from Tractor Supply now ????...